Cheshire Kisses
by Cynthia of the Wallflowers
Summary: Midorima falls down (is dragged down) a (mostly metaphorical) rabbit hole. It is, simultaneously, the best and worst thing to ever happen to him. (Aka, the Vigilante AU no one really wanted.)
1. Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kuroko no Basuke or anything in it.

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 **General Warnings:** GEN, Vigilantes AU, But it's not really an AU they just have a secret life outside of school, not really serious, Alcohol, Drugs, Crime, Starts off in Teiko Era, Not sure what I was thinking when I wrote this

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 **Summary:** Midorima falls down (is dragged down) a (mostly metaphorical) rabbit hole. It is, simultaneously, the best and worst thing to ever happen to him. (Aka, the Vigilante AU you never knew you wanted.)

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 **Author's Notes:** This was written for cywscross' Fandom Bingo. It was originally gonna be a superpowers AU but then it turned...not. So. Just roll with it. :D

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 **Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole**

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" _Every adventure requires a first step. Trite, but true, even here."_

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"I thought you're supposed talk me OUT of this sort of thing!" Kazunari complained into the headset.

Tetsuya, bastard that he was, ignored him.

"I don't get why I'm the one doing this anyway," Kazunari grumbled, peering around the corner. "Isn't this sort of thing more up _your_ alley?"

"We flipped a coin," Tetsuya reminded him, mild as milk. "You lost." As usual, he didn't say. Kazunari heard it anyway.

"That's because you picked the game this time!" Kazunari whined, even as he ducked into the nearest room ― a bathroom ― and began looking for an exit. "You always win the coin flips! And jan-ken-po! Every time! How is that even possible?!"

"Perhaps you should consider using something other than rock when we play." Tetsuya offered.

"I like rock," Kazunari grumbled as he peered out of the window. "You can punch people with it. It makes no sense that paper can beat rock anyway. How's a flimsy little paper supposed to beat a rock?"

"It's not a matter of whether paper can beat rock, Kazunari-kun," Tetsuya said with an air of one who has had the same conversation a thousand times before. "It is a children's game. It does not need to make sense."

"Well it _should_ ," Kazunari argued mulishly, fully aware that he looked and sounded like a petulant child. He yanked at the uncooperative window latch with a curse. "Dammit, open!"

"Kazunari-kun, you are on the fifth floor." Tetsuya monotoned through the headset. Kazunari ignored him. "I do not believe it would be the best course of action to climb out the window without-"

Behind Kazunari, the door squeaked open. Kazunari spun around just as a green-haired, bespectacled middle schooler walked in. "Ah shit!" Kazunari hissed as the other boy froze at the sight of the masked, hooded, darkly dressed figure leaning half out the window, bag slung over his shoulder. "Tet- _Cheshire_ , you didn't mention anyone coming!"

"He is a civilian," Tetsuya said. "I did not deem him dangerous to our heist."

Kazunari grimaced. "Do you have to use the word heist? You make us sound like bad guys! We're supposed to be superheroes here!"

"Technically, we're vigilantes," Tetsuya corrected.

"Whatever," Kazunari said. "So what should I do now?"

"Well, we can't have him raising the alarm," Tetsuya said reasonably. Said civilian looked as if he was about to do just that, raising his hands as if to ward off an attack and opening his mouth to holler.

Kazunari promptly tased him.

"I hope you know," Kazunari said, staring at the twitching lump of unfortunate civilian, "That this is _all your fault_." Tetsuya, wisely, said nothing.

And that was how Midorima Shintaro ended up kidnapped by a team of superheroes (vigilantes).

(It all went downhill from there.)

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 **Notes:** Or down the rabbit hole, you could say.

...

Okay, I'll be honest. I have not read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I only watched like, half of _Through the Looking Glass_. This whole thing just sort of...happened. So. Yeah. Don't expect too much. This actually has very little to do with Alice in Wonderland. I'm just having fun.

Please review!


	2. Chapter 2: The Pool of Tears

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kuroko no Basuke or anything in it.

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 **General Warnings:** GEN, Vigilantes AU, But it's not really an AU they just have a secret life outside of school, not really serious, Alcohol, Drugs, Crime, Starts off in Teiko Era, Not sure what I was thinking when I wrote this

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 **Author's Notes:** The next update will be slow because I don't have anything written after this. On the bright side, I actually have a very, very, _very_ vague plan for this fic, which is more than I can say for all my other stories, or even my life.

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 **Chapter 2: The Pool of Tears**

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" _Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice, "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"_

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Shintaro woke up with a splitting headache. He opened his eyes, blinking furiously and squinting in the ― thankfully ― dim light. An unfamiliar ceiling greeted him. He closed his eyes tightly, and opened them again. The ceiling did not change.

"Heya!" A voice greeted brightly. Shintaro closed his eyes again, trying to ward off a groan. Why was whoever it was so goddamn cheerful? And what in the world had they done to his head? The last thing he remembered was...was...

He sat bolt right up. The masked figure beside him jerked backwards. "You tased me!" Shintaro said indignantly and then immediately regretted it as his head throbbed in protest.

"Here," A cup was shoved into his hand. "Drink that. You'll feel better afterwards." Shintaro was suddenly aware of the parchedness of his mouth. Still, he maintained enough presence of mind to glare.

"Is it poisoned?"

The masked boy ― was he even a high schooler? He was shorter than Shintaro! ― pffted. "If I wanted to poison you, I wouldn't give the poison to you, I'd have just shoved it down your throat while you were unconscious."

Shintaro conceded the point, sullenly taking a sip. Apple juice. A bit sour too. Not his favorite, but better than nothing.

"There's bottled water and sprite in the fridge if you want," the boy offered sympathetically when he finished the cup and glowered when the throbbing in his head did not abate. "Both are good for hangovers."

"H- hangover!?" Shintaro spluttered, appalled. He was an _athlete_. He _didn't drink_. And there was the little problem of being _underage_.

"Oh, yeah, we figured that shoving some alcohol pills down your throat was safer than hitting you over the head a couple of times." The boy said nonchalantly, as if he wasn't admitting that he had all but _drugged_ a _minor._ "Keeps you conked out without any brain damage at least. Gives you a helluva hangover though."

"You got me _drunk?_ "

"Yep," The other boy ― his _kidnapper_ , Shintaro realized to his growing horror ― chirped. "Sorry!" He didn't sound sorry at all.

"Akashi is going to kill me," He said numbly. The redhead was a complete mother hen about his teammates' health. No, wait, screw Akashi, his _mother_ was going to kill him. Drinking! Getting kidnapped! Not calling her before he decided to go visit his father's hospital! He was going to be grounded for _life_. This was exactly why he needed his lucky item! Cancer was clearly at the bottom of the today's rankings for good reason!

"Akashi?" Said kidnapper asked.

"My captain," Shintaro answered mechanically. "Can I please go home now?"

"Sorry, no can do," The boy said cheerily. "You have to stay here until everything blows over." Shintaro's eyes widened in horror.

"I- but- School! My parents!" The boy flapped a hand dismissively.

"Don't be ridiculous, we're not gonna keep you _that_ long. Just a few hours. Then it won't matter if you saw us, cuz you'll think this was all a dream anyway."

"A dream?" Shintaro asked, brows furrowing. Why would he ever think something like this was a dream?

The boy seemed to smile. His creepy grinning cat mask seemed to give the impression anyway. "You," he said, much too cheerfully, "Are going to help us break up a child prostitution ring."

"I'm _what?_ " He didn't get much further than that because at that moment, he noticed that the room seemed to be...wobbling. And blurring out at odd spots. He spun back to the boy to demand an explanation, but promptly regretted it as the world spun dizzyingly, and the boy seemed to split into three. He nearly fell over right then and there. "You...you drugged me!?" He groaned out, clinging to consciousness through sheer willpower.

"Sorry." This time, the boy seemed genuinely contrite. He deftly liberated the empty cup from Shintaro's hand before Shintaro dropped it. "But this was the only way we could think of that didn't include killing you or something. If it makes you feel better, we're gonna make sure it's totally safe. We were planning to do it ourselves anyway; you just happened to interrupt."

"What..." do you mean, Shintaro meant to say, but the boy reached over and flicked his forehead, the sharp pain spiking through his head and sending oblivion crashing down on him before he could utter another word.

(The day did not get any better from there.)

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 **Please review!**


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